Some time ago, I received the following text from a friend. As I read it, I felt my eyes were opened in a special way, and I gained a broader understanding of what it means to forgive. Forgiveness doesn't just mean forgiving to keep a clear conscience and be at peace with God; it means wanting the other person's good so much (that is, loving them so much) that even if they don't express a desire to be forgiven, you forgive them to redeem them and lead them back to God. Profound, isn't it? I hope it benefits you as much as it did me:

“God has a plan to save each of us. In this plan, contact with friends and family who do not seek the same lifestyle we adopt helps us better understand our deficiencies, recognize the fruits, learn to respect the matter of individual conscience, and also the greatness of God's love for us. In a conflict between friends and family, we often want to speak some truths, and sometimes we do! We want to rebuke our brother for some attitude (and sometimes that is undoubtedly necessary), but first, we have three relevant points to consider:

1. Motivation: Read Romans 5:6-8. “While we were still sinners… God demonstrated His love for us.” What is your motivation? Christ’s motivation is love. If your motivation is anything other than love, it will fail. If someone makes me nervous, is your motivation to get rid of your brother? To tell them what they did wrong? Is the motivation to put them in their place? Or is it to put yourself in their place?

2. Objective: allow yourself to be an instrument of God to redeem/save. “Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 2:5-8

3. Method: humility. This was His method, Christ’s method. “Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.” Matthew 18:15

If you are offended, Christ understands that in all conflicts both people are offended. So it becomes a cycle. "I didn't do anything wrong, so he has to come here and talk to me." That's how friendships end, that's how marriages end, but if you are offended, your responsibility is to seek them out. If I am offended, then I tell my husband, the pastor, the elder… and everyone knows about the issue. But the Bible does not give permission to even speak with my spouse about the matter. I speak with God and then go privately to talk to the person.

The motivation is to save him, to redeem him. If he is as bad as I say he is: I need to help this brother. My purpose is not to explode, not to give him a piece of my mind, not to get angry, but to save him! If we learn this wonderful principle, those who are single will have wonderful relationships with people, and those who are married can experience a transformation in their marriages.

If I do not seek the Holy Spirit when speaking with the person in question, I will try to change and modify them, and that is not my job, but the Holy Spirit’s. I need to pray for the Holy Spirit to help my words be an attempt to redeem them. Outsiders do not hurt us much; this happens more with the people we care about, and that is how marriages end, how problems enter the church, and that is why our topic specifically refers to friends and family.

When my friend/brother says I am this or that, I do not get offended and I follow the methods Christ outlined. I speak with him in humility, I am there to redeem him, I surrender my frustration to God. I do not talk to anyone, but I go to someone consecrated, someone I know has nothing against the person who offended me, someone who has love, who understands the goal of redemption, and then I do not need to be offended, I do not need to get nervous, frustrated.

The Bible provides an incredible example: Judas. When he betrayed Jesus, Jesus called him friend. Why? Jesus knew why he came and knew he was lost, and Jesus still tried to save him. God’s love is so profound that it does not matter how many times we hurt Him. How we lack Christ’s grace!

It takes two people to have a fight; only when we mature do we understand this more clearly. Indifference is worse than hatred. In a world where it becomes so easy to simply “delete” someone from our social circle, cutting ties becomes the most common thing, and we no longer care. If someone gets shot next to you, you say, “Well, we all have to die someday…” Our Savior would come to die for just one repentant sinner… He would come just for you or for me… what kind of love is that?

I do not feel like forgiving the person who offended me, but I will do it by faith, “Lord, give me a new heart.” When you allow the Holy Spirit to take control of your life, your speech changes; even when ready to say “I forgive you for what you did (or said) to me,” we end up saying “I’m sorry for how I treated you.” So, if you have to resolve a situation with someone, do not follow your own feelings. Reviewing: Correct motivation: love.

Correct objective: to save, to redeem. Correct method: humility. If you are offended, go to the person, and go alone. Do not speak with your girlfriend, wife, or anyone, especially if they also have something against the person in question. Go up the ladder! The purpose is to redeem! If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. Pray for that person. Eternal God, we thank You because when we were still sinners, You loved us, You have done everything to save us, You have done everything to redeem us, give us humility to bear the pain. You are greater than pain and can do everything to save us. Amen.”

Text taken from a sermon by Jonathan Zita

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