Over 2,000 years ago, the wisest man in the world wrote this profound truth: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Proverbs 18:21. Have we ever stopped to consider what this means? What we say can effectively build up or tear down someone and potentially affect them for the rest of their lives.

Once spoken, a word can never be unsaid, but it will leave its mark on the listener's heart. What are we communicating to those within our circle of influence? Are we hurting them with sarcastic remarks or negative reactions, or are we building up their positive traits through encouraging words?

Consider the results of the following experiment. A test was administered to a group of students, and they were told that their scores would determine whether they had the potential to succeed in their academic plans or if they would be mediocre. The test results were presented to the students, and the school continued its activities. A year later, a second test was administered, and the results were interesting. The students who were among those told they would thrive achieved scores 10-30% higher than the rest of the group. Even more interesting was the fact that none of the original scores had been used to determine who belonged to the "intelligent" group and who was in the mediocre or inferior group. All names were placed in a hat and randomly assigned to one group or the other. What were the chances that all students involved in the test would achieve scores that placed them in their predicted group? The answer is simple.

The "superior" group was treated by both teachers and students as if they were indeed superior. They reached their conceived potential despite perhaps being mediocre initially. The above-average students now found themselves in the mediocre or below-average category. The lack of affirmation and the absence of belief in their potential were reflected in their scores.

What message are we conveying daily through our communication with those in our sphere of influence, especially our spouse and children? Do they know that we believe in them and that we see beyond their mistakes, that we see their potential? Are we affirming them for the positive things we see in them? It's easy to let good behaviors go unnoticed without any praise, but the moment a mistake is made, what do our loved ones hear?

Do the following phrases sound familiar? “What is your problem? Why do you never do things right? You are so stupid! You'll never amount to anything that way.”

Oh, the pain! The door is now open for negative thoughts to form in the recipient's mind. “Maybe I'll never get this right. I thought I was doing well. I thought I was improving, but no one seems to notice. I really am stupid. If I'm never going to succeed, why try? I don't care anymore. Why should I? If everyone thinks I'm a failure, I guess that's what I must be. I'm good for nothing. It's better to give up.”

The person who spoke the harsh words never stops to think about the damage they caused. The wound begins to heal; but before that can happen, it is cut open again by more piercing words. An emotional scar eventually forms, limiting the recipient's ability to even desire a bright and promising future full of potential.

Perhaps we are tempted to think that people don't need encouragement until they are consistent in doing what is right. I challenge each of us, however, to consider how Jesus treats us—undeserving, sinful, corrupt mortals who nailed Him to the cross and have made many mistakes. He does not treat us according to what we deserve. On the contrary, He pursues us with His love until He wins us over, offering forgiveness and a new beginning. He sees our potential; and in His eyes, we have immeasurable worth. He encourages us with the promises of His Word and empowers us to live new lives. He sincerely expresses the value He sees in us and His belief that we can reach our maximum potential in Him. How beautiful! How motivating!

Love is the greatest stimulus for positive change. The following quote supports this important concept: “Let each one give love, instead of demanding it. Cultivate what is noblest within yourself, and be ready to recognize the good qualities in others. It is a wonderful encouragement and satisfaction to know someone who is esteemed. Sympathy and respect encourage the struggle for perfection, and love itself grows as it stimulates nobler purposes.” The Ministry of Healing, p. 362.

Countless marriages and families have been destroyed due to words spoken in the home. We will not be part of that statistic if we take hold of His strength and allow Him to control our thoughts and words so that they may be a “fragrance of life unto life”! Truly, “death and life are in the power of the tongue.”

Tips:

• If correction is necessary, conclude with positive words of encouragement.
• Look for the good in others and always express appreciation for the good you see in them.
• Inspire others by making their potential known and expressing that you believe in them.
• Ask God for help to be a catalyst for positive change by speaking words of life!

Written by Allison Waters, translated by Rute Bazan.
Used with permission from Restoration International, Inc (http://www.restoration-international.org/)‍