One important aspect of child development between the ages of 10 and 15 is sexuality. This is an area where parents need to work in unison and be vigilant so that children can develop appropriately despite the enemy's incessant attacks.

I believe everyone is aware of the media's influence, which bombards us all, idolizing sexuality while simultaneously trivializing it to sell anything, whether openly, subtly, or subliminally. For girls, the appeal is more romantic, as they become emotionally attached. For boys, it's "use and discard." At the same time, girls are led to use their bodies as bait to attract boys, becoming both temptresses and victims. Our children are sexualized too early, not only by being exposed to these images but also by playing with adult dolls and watching children's movies and stories laden with romance and seduction.

In Nordic countries, where menarche (first menstruation) typically occurred at age 15, a study revealed that exposure to sexualized images caused menarche to drop to an average of 12 years. In other words, children are affected not only psychologically and emotionally but also physically by these images and messages. It is during this 10-to-15 age range that pressure begins to mount and hormones start to rage. In my opinion, if we wait for the problem to emerge before we start talking to them about it, it's already too late. They need to know what's coming while they can still see clearly.

Teaching Purity

I worked extensively at home on the topic of expected changes, both in anatomy and new processes – menstruation, nocturnal ejaculation, and romantic and sexual awakening. I explained that the body is preparing to form a family and have children. The process is long, and the changes are just the beginning. All initial development is part of a long maturation process, for when the time comes. No one plays an instrument well at first; it requires a lot of practice. It's the same with the body, which is preparing for one of the most beautiful and sacred processes – the process of creation. A great and holy privilege not even granted to angels.

With the awakening of this process, interests and affections for the opposite sex begin to emerge, through which the family plan will be completed. But while we are not ready to establish a home, we must guard both the affections that bind hearts and the desires that lead us to unite bodies. Affection, desires, and commitment must be inseparable.

“Knowing what constitutes purity of mind, soul, and body is an important part of education. Paul summarized the possible achievements for Timothy, saying: 'Keep yourself pure.' 1 Timothy 5:22. The Son of God will not condone impurity of thought, word, or deed. Every encouragement and the richest blessings are offered to those who overcome evil practices, but the most terrible penalties are imposed on those who defile the body and contaminate the soul.” Counsels to Teachers, Parents, and Students, p. 103.

Impurity is not only in actions but also in thought and words. That is why JESUS said that if we look with an impure gaze, we have already sinned. This is because our body reacts to our thoughts as if they were reality, and that's where the big problem lies. What are we seeing in movies and on TV, hearing in music, or being exposed to in books, on screens, or in conversations with friends?

“The mind will never cease to be active. It is exposed to influences, whether good or bad. Just as the human face is imprinted by light on the artist's canvas, so too are thoughts and impressions imprinted on the child's mind; and whether these impressions are earthly, moral, or religious, they are almost indelible.” Mind, Character, and Personality, vol. 1, p. 293.

These days I was counseling an Adventist couple with a 12-year-old son. The problem was discipline and wanting designer clothes. After a long time, they mentioned that their son had been exposed to pornography through his cousin a year or two ago, and ever since then…

This is a very serious problem for anyone, but even more so for a rapidly developing brain. Pornography is addictive, and like any addiction, it builds tolerance, requiring heavier doses that include perversions and violence to achieve the same effect. The taste for normal, real relationships diminishes, and they increasingly need to include these two factors. Even in adults, physical transformations occur in the brain that can be seen through MRI scans. The nobler regions atrophy while the carnal ones become much more active.

Masturbation

A major problem today is the free and constant access to this material via the internet, and pornography brings with it the inseparable act of masturbation to relieve tension. And because of easy access to both, this experience becomes more and more frequent and harder to resist. Popularly, and even among health professionals, there is a theory that masturbation is just a natural process of exploring the body. But studies are beginning to uncover what God made clear in revelation. All the texts below address masturbation:

“Some children begin the practice of self-pollution in childhood; and as they grow in years, lustful passions grow with their growth and strengthen with their strength. They do not have a tranquil mind. Girls desire the company of boys, and boys that of girls. Their behavior is not reserved and modest. They are bold and daring, and allow themselves indecent liberties. The habit of self-abuse has debased their minds and stained their souls. Vile thoughts, and the reading of novels, love stories, and impure books excite their imagination, and these very things suit their depraved spirit.” Mind, Character, and Personality, vol. 1, p. 290.

“When youth adopt vile practices while the spirit is tender, they will never gain strength to fully and correctly develop physical, intellectual, and moral personality.” Testimonies for the Church, vol. 2, p. 351.

Consequences of moral pollution — “Some who make a high profession of faith do not understand the sin of self-abuse [masturbation] and its results. The long-established habit has blinded their understanding. They do not appreciate the excessive malignity of this degrading sin, which enervates the system and destroys the nervous energy of the brain. Moral principles are too weak when contending with an ingrained habit. Solemn messages from Heaven cannot strongly impress the heart not strengthened against indulgence in this degrading vice. The sensitive nerves of the brain have lost their healthy tone due to unhealthy stimulation to satisfy an unnatural desire for sensual gratification.” Counsels for the Church, p. 112.

“Parents generally do not suspect that their children understand something about the vice.” Counsels for the Church, p. 112.

“Moral corruption has done more than any other evil to cause the degeneration of humanity. It is practiced to an alarming degree and brings diseases of almost every described kind.” Counsels for the Church, p. 112.

“If the practice is continued from the age of fifteen and upward, the system protests against the injury already sustained, and continues to suffer, and will make them pay the penalty for transgressing its laws, especially between the ages of thirty and forty-five, through many bodily pains and various diseases, such as affections of the liver and lungs, neuralgia, rheumatism, spinal affections, kidney diseases, and cancerous tumors. Some of nature's delicate mechanisms give way, leaving a heavier task for the remaining ones to perform, which disorganizes the delicate system, often resulting in sudden physical decay, the outcome of which is death.” Counsels for the Church, p. 113.

And thinking about the child who learned this from his cousin, it's not as rare as one might imagine:

“Those who have become so thoroughly entrenched in this soul- and body-destroying vice can rarely rest until their burden of secret evil is communicated to those with whom they associate. Curiosity is aroused, and knowledge of the vice is passed from youth to youth, from child to child, until it is difficult to find one who is ignorant of the practice of this degrading sin.” Counsels for the Church, p. 112.

The two most important aspects for victory in this area:

1- Daily communion with God through Bible study and prayer.

“Why are our youth, and even those of older age, so easily led into temptation and sin? Because the Word of God is not studied and meditated upon as it should be. If it were appreciated, there would be an inner integrity, a power of spirit, that would resist Satan's temptations to do evil. Firm and resolute willpower is not developed in life and character because sacred instructions do not become an object of study and meditation.” Messages to Young People, p. 425.

“We should make the Bible our study, above all other books; and it should be loved and obeyed as the voice of God.” Messages to Young People, p. 426.

2- Winning the hearts and trust of children by demonstrating love not only through words and actions, but also through firmness in guiding them along the narrow path, even if it is unpopular.

“Through gentle discipline in words and acts of love, a mother can unite her children to her heart… Calmly state what you intend, act with consideration, and without deviation put into practice what you say.” Counsels for the Church, p. 194.

“Instruct them kindly, and bind them to your heart. It is a critical time for children. Influences will be exerted upon them to alienate them from you, and it is your duty to counteract these. Teach them to make you their confidants. Let them whisper their trials and joys into your ear. By encouraging this, you will save them from many snares prepared by Satan for their inexperienced feet… Do not expect them to be perfect, nor seek to suddenly make them men and women in their actions. By doing so, you will close the door of access that you might otherwise have to them, and you will impel them to open another door to harmful influences, allowing others to poison their youthful minds before you awaken to the danger they face.” Counsels for the Church, p. 200.

Bringing them daily to the foot of the cross and uniting them to our hearts will make it easier for them to accept other barriers that can prevent evil from entering, as well as help them expel it if it has already entered.

Guard our children as those who must give an account to God. Prevent as much as possible and deal with the problem as soon as it is discovered.

Counsels for Parents

The advice below applies to any problem of sexual impurity, as well as sentimentalism (dating, flirtations, and infatuations):

1. Be extremely careful about the company children and youth keep.

“Parents, can you recognize the importance of your responsibility? Do you perceive the need to guard your children from negligent, demoralizing habits? Only allow your children to form friendships that will have a good influence on their character.” Counsels for the Church, p. 199.

2. Do not let children sleep together (even if they are cousins, etc.). It is better for them to sleep on the floor near their parents than with other children.

3. Keep children within sight when they are with other children when they are young. Impure conversations can begin earlier than we imagine.

4. Prevent eyes from seeing and ears from hearing anything that suggests impurity. “Vile thoughts, and the reading of novels, love stories, and impure books excite their imagination, and these very things suit their depraved spirit.” Mind, Character, and Personality, vol. 1, p. 290. (Media in general: books, magazines, films, music, etc.)

5. Avoid meat and animal products, as well as other stimulating foods that arouse animal passions. “If there ever was a time when the diet should be of the simplest quality, that time is now. We should not place meat before our children. Its influence is to revive and strengthen the lower passions, having a tendency to deaden the moral faculties.” Counsels for the Church, p. 234.

“You place butter, eggs, and meat upon your table, and your children partake of them. They feed on the very articles that excite their animal passions, and then you go to meeting and ask God to bless and save your children. How high will your prayers ascend? You have a work to do first. After you have done for your children all that God has left to your care, you may then, with confidence, claim the special help that God has promised to give you.” Counsels on Diet and Foods, p. 245.

“At the table, laden with harmful condiments, indigestible food, and dainties full of spices, the child acquires a taste for what is harmful, which tends to irritate the delicate membranes of the stomach, inflame the blood, and strengthen the animal passions.” Temperance, p. 182.

Moral energies paralyzed — “Through appetite, passions are inflamed, and moral energies are paralyzed, so that paternal instructions in the principles of morality and genuine piety fall on deaf ears without affecting the heart. The most terrible warnings and threats of God's Word do not have sufficient power to awaken the dulled intellect and violated conscience.” Temperance, p. 183.

6. Physical Work

“They do not love work (those who practice these habits), and when engaged in it, they complain of fatigue; their backs ache, their heads ache. Is there not sufficient cause? Are they fatigued because of their work? No, no! Yet parents pity these children when they complain and relieve them of work and responsibility. This is the worst thing they can do for them. They thus remove almost the only barrier that prevents Satan from having free access to their weakened minds. Useful work would be, to a certain extent, a safeguard against his [Satan's] control over them.” Mind, Character, and Personality, vol. 1, p. 290.

“Useful, manly occupations, put in place of corrupting and frivolous amusements, would give legitimate scope to the exuberance of youthful life and promote sobriety and stability of character.” Counsels on Education, p. 100.

“If young women learned to cook, especially to bake good bread, their education would be of much greater value. The knowledge of useful work would largely prevent that sickly sentimentalism which has ruined and continues to ruin thousands. The exercise of the muscles, as well as the brain, will stimulate a taste for the practical duties of life.” Counsels on Education, p. 100.

7. Teach children and youth that they can and should control their thoughts.

“Corrupt thoughts must be cast out. Every thought must be brought into captivity to Jesus Christ. Every animal propensity must be subjected to the higher faculties of the soul. The love of God must reign supreme; Christ must occupy an undivided throne. Our body must be regarded as having been bought. The members of the body must become instruments of righteousness.” The Adventist Home, 121-128.

8. Discourage dating and sentimentalism until studies are completed.

“While in school, students should not allow their minds to become confused by thoughts of dating. They are there to prepare themselves to work for God, and this thought should always take first place.” Counsels to Teachers, Parents, and Students, p. 100.

“You are now living the life of a student; dwell on spiritual matters. Keep all sentimentalism out of your life. Exercise vigilant self-instruction and self-control. You are now in the character-forming period.” Mind, Character, and Personality, vol. 1, p. 292.

9. Discuss and help establish parameters for choosing a partner.

“Parents should feel it their duty to guide the affections of the young, so that they may be placed upon those who will be suitable companions. They should feel it their duty, by their own teaching and example, with the assisting grace of God, to so mold the character of their children from their earliest years that they may be pure and noble, and be attracted to what is good and true. Like attracts like; like appreciates like. May the love for truth, purity, and goodness be early implanted in the soul, and the young will seek the company of those who possess these characteristics.” Messages to Young People, p. 466.

10. Discuss and present to young people parameters for dating behavior. These decisions should be made in advance and reinforced with reading and testimonies. A good resource is the book Messages to Young People. Another, for us, was the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris. We also read “Boy Meets Girl,” full of testimonies from young people who chose a different kind of dating and how it went.

These advance discussions allow everyone to analyze and make decisions when they are not under the influence of passion or strong feelings. It's like shopping with a list and not being hungry. It ensures we buy what's best!

It's not easy to go against the world's current, but neither is it easy to deal with the results of going where the world goes. The outcomes are disastrous here and make it much harder to walk towards eternity. May God help us have the courage to obey Him and guide our children.

Silvia Martins

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